Whatsapp Jokes | Whatsapp Funny Images | Whatsapp Funny Status Messages

Whatsapp Jokes | Whatsapp Funny Images | Whatsapp Funny Status Messages

Are you searching for Best Whatsapp jokes to Share among your friends and to laugh with them. you are in the right place, we have provided the large and best collection of funny jokes. you can send to your friends.

we also provided  the Romantic funny messages to share with your girl friend and boy friend as well as you can also send for husband and wife. And not only the messages, also Images. You will defiantly laugh by seeing those pics.

Whatsapp Jokes | Whatsapp Funny Images | Whatsapp Status Messages

Whatsapp and Facebook is a world wide Social networks, Share  Funniest Jokes, Images Through Whatsapp Facebook and make the world wide happy. With Funniest Jokes Images Messages Sms, You will also get the Funniest Jokes for Mother , Funniest Jokes for Father, Funniest Jokes for Friends, Funniest Jokes for family members. you can select and can send through the Whatsapp and Facebook.


 

 

Whatsapp Jokes

‘Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other, ‘Does he taste funny to you?’   

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘Have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite.  

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The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.   

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Whatsapp Jokes, Messages

‘When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.’    

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.   

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‘You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.’   

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Whatsapp Jokes for friends

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”   

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Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.   

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ”He’s trying to pull a fast one’    

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Best Whatsapp Jokes

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.” “I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.   whatsapp non veg jokes

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.   whatsapp messages collection

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Whatsapp Jokes for all time

‘My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.   

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A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says “no, let me see the next room.” In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.” Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, “O.K., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads .    

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ”Is this some kind of joke?     

Whatsapp Jokes | Whatsapp Funny Images | Whatsapp Status Messages


Whatsapp Jokes for  girl friend

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”   

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.    

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Whatsapp Jokes fro boy friend

I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered ‘French Toast during the Renaissance’.  

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‘Bob Geldof . . . no wonder he’s such an expert on famine, he has been dining out on I Don’t Like Mondays for thirty years.’  

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‘A man walks into a chemist’s and says, “Can I have a bar of soap, please?” The chemist says, “Do you want it scented?” And the man says, “No, I’ll take it with me now”.’   

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 group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ”But why?” they asked, as they moved off. ”because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.  

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An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. “You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit” The mortician says “We’ll take care of it, ma’am” and yells back, “Ed, switch the heads on two and four!”   

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Do you know how many middle-aged men go out for a pint of milk and never come home? Not enough.’   

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‘I wish people would stop making fun of fat people – they have enough sh-t on their plates.’  

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‘I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’   

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Two elderly women are at a Catskill restaurant. One of them says, “Boy, the food at this place is just terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah I know. And such small portions.     

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A big girl came up to me after a show and said, “I think you’re fatist.” I said, “No, no. I think you’re fattest.” 

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.  

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There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.  

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster .    

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife’ll look at me and go, ”Who’s that calling at this time?’ ”I don’t know! If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone!   

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A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. “Douchebag!” the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. “Your father just said a bad word,” he says. “I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?” His son looks at him and says: “Too late, douchebag. 

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There’s always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says “Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I’d fight him.” As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. 

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 A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ”I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.

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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said. “No. I hate myself now. 

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The only thing I know about Africa is that it’s far, far away. About a thirty-five hour flight. The boat ride’s so long, there are still slaves on their way here.  

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, ‘Go to Bournemouth, it’s great for flu’. So I went – and I got it.  

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A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.” The doctor says, “Why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “We would. But we need the eggs.”  

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Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.   

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‘A man doesn’t know what hapiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.   

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I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.    

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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.  

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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’

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‘So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says “Your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I said, “Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck”.  

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I’m in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite……… one jar.   

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‘I was in Tesco’s and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, “Are you two an item?” ‘  

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‘When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.  

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The guy who shot Robert Kennedy, Sirhan Sirhan, goes up for parole every year. Once he even told the parole board that if Kennedy was alive today, he would speak in his favor and say let him go. What a tough break, you know? The one guy who would have supported him, and he shot him.   funny whatsapp images to share

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‘First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.’  

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I went to my doctor and told him “my penis is burning.” He said, “That means somebody is talking about it.   funny 

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.   free download funny images collection

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New York now leads the world’s great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move.   

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.  

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When Susan’s boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ”I love the simple things in life, but I don’t want one of them for my husband”.   

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‘My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.”   facebook funny images download

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A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here”  

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ”Did you get my drift?”.   

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Went to the paper shop – it had blown away.  

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Top Whatsapp jokes

I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their Mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass I can see old ladies on the phone. They’ve already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong.   

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.   

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Top Funny Whatsapp Status Messages

At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn’t know gave me anything. Even the people I know don’t give me anything.   

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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours.  

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Top 20 Whatsapp Funny Status Messages

A guy has a parrot that can sing and speak beautifully. He takes it to the synagogue on Rosh Hashonah and makes a wager that the bird can conduct the High Holiday service better than the temple’s cantor. When the big moment comes, though, the parrot is silent. The guy is outraged. He takes the bird home and is about to kill it when the bird finally speaks: “Schmuck! Think of the odds we’ll get on Yom Kippur! 

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Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.’

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‘She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.  

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Top Whatsapp Funny jokes

‘A man walks into a chemist’s and says, “Can I have a bar of soap, please?” The chemist says, “Do you want it scented?” And the man says, “No, I’ll take it with me now”.’  

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‘I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful? . . . No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup.’   

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‘Do you know how many middle-aged men go out for a pint of milk and never come home? Not enough.’    

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Top Whatsapp Funny Status Messages

‘I just need to make it to 34 and I’ve beaten Jesus at living.’    

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‘A man on the train said: “That seat is reserved.” I said: “Well, it’s been very forward with me.” Pulled up my pants and went on my way.’ 

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‘I’ve done a bit of Latin in my time . . . but I can control it.’  

Whatsapp Jokes | Whatsapp Funny Images | Whatsapp Status Messages


I’m in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite……… one jar.   

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ”Your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I said, ”Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck”. 

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Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ”Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here”   

Whatsapp Jokes | Whatsapp Funny Images | Whatsapp Status Messages


A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ”But why?” they asked, as they moved off. ”because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.  

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There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.   

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